Part One: School

Lately I've been thinking more and more about the direction of my life. The Bible tells me to be content where I am but yesterday as I was praying about this, a thought came to me. I am to be content where I am but not complacent. Too often I've mixed the two concepts up and have found myself sitting around waiting for God to shout out to me what He wants me to do when all along He wants me just to MOVE. There are two things that have caused me the greatest amount of thought.

First, even though the two are actually intertwined, is school. The other is moving but I'll write about that in another blog. You see for over 30 years, off and on because of raising a family, I have been working to complete my prerequisites for the nursing program at Kalamazoo Valley Community College. The earlier years were your basis classes for any program, but about 9 years ago I put all my focus on the classes that were required for the nursing program. I was only able to go part time because of working full time. During this time I broke my leg in four places and had to drop my classes. With proper documentation this was excused by the college with no penalty. I also had something else happen, that I don't remember right now, that made me drop my classes again. This was also excused by the college with no penalty. Five years ago I finally completed my prerequisites and was on cloud nine even though there was a three year waiting list to actually get in the program. I submitted my application twice a year as told. I did this for three years.

Now let me back up just a minute. At the time that I finally finished my prerequisites, the director of the nursing program sent out a letter saying that as of  that date no one would be accepted into the nursing program if they had taken a prerequisite more than twice. I had. So having spoken with the secretary in that department I was assured that that meant only people who had not yet completed their prerequisites. So three years later, when my turn had finally come I received a letter from the director saying that I had been denied to the program because I had taken some classes more than twice. I met with her to explain that those classes had been excused by the college. She said that those classes still counted against me. THREE YEARS I had waited, never once having my applications be rejected because of that rule. THREE YEARS that I could have gone to another school and already have received my nursing degree. THREE YEARS that I could have chosen another program and already be working with a different degree. THREE YEARS of anxiously waiting for my turn to come up. She finally told me that if I took three certain classes that semester and passed them all, then she would "consider" me more seriously for the program. No guarantee. If I didn't pass them, there was no chance at all of getting into the program. The three classes were Probability and Statistics, 4 credit Chemistry and 4 credit Microbiology. By this time the semester had already started. Prob and Stats were going to be a problem. It was three weeks into the class and the night I went they were having a test, so it turned out to be four weeks into the class before I got started. You cannot jump into Prob and Stats four weeks into the class and expect to pass. Needless to say, I wasn't able to pass the classes with such a late start. I felt like I was set up to fail, but they were her rules. I went to the Dean who kept saying "What do you want me to do?" He told me that he was leaving the rules to the director and basically letting her run the program the way she wanted to. There seemed to be no further recourse so I went to Kellogg Community College.

A few of my classes didn't transfer so I would need to take those classes over, but that's ok I told myself because they would be good refreshers. OK. Then my dad got really sick and died. Because of everything, not just my dad, I went into a severe depression. I also suffer from SADD, so just getting out of bed during these long, dark months is hard enough. I have not been back to school since. That's been two years. I keep asking myself, and God "Are all of these things that have happened barriers that I am supposed to overcome and keep pushing for the prize, or are they blockades to re-direct my path?" I have prayed about this for a very long time but sense no answers. One Christian counselor at KVCC that I respect greatly, told me that if I wasn't sure then to continue to take time to pray about it, waiting for God's direction. The only problem with that is that the longer I wait, the more classes I will have to repeat because they will be too old to transfer or it will be so long since I've had these critical classes that I won't remember what I had learned and will fail in the program! Nursing is the only thing I've ever wanted to do and still is. I still want it very badly but am now so uncertain as to whether this is God's desire for me or only my own. I don't know what to do.

With a new semester just barely around the corner, all of the classes I need are filled up. Now normally I would wait for the classes to start and do a "request to enter", but because of my work I need to know what days I would be having classes so I can schedule or trade with people accordingly. I can't wait until classes start because of work. Presently I am still trying to get classes at either college, but...(all my questions repeat).